Monday, January 06, 2014

You

I haven't thought about you in a long time. 136 days to be exact...but something shifted inside me today and I forced myself to read my book The Many Faces of Love--the one I wrote three chapters about you in. I felt every emotion as if I was living it today. It made me realize that I haven't felt butterflies or sparks with basically anyone since you. 

How long have we been doing this dance now? Eight years?  Will I ever stop wondering 'what if?'. Will I ever fully get over you?

You were the one. I fell deep and hard for others after--but it was never the same. I mean, you married a girl with the same name as me--if that wasn't an annoying reminder I don't know what is.

I've been single for four years and haven't been willing to settle for anything other than magical. At first I thought I was just being silly. But then I began to see someone who fell for me instantly and I felt nothing. I felt tired when we kissed. I felt miserable. 

I've been worried for so long that I am never going to be able to experience the passion I felt for you, the butterflies you caused me to have in the pit of my stomach, and the spark that seemed to never die. But reading that chapter and being reminded that I felt that way once has me holding out hope that after all this time...after all these punishments I can finally find someone like you again. Someone I will be anxious to see. Someone I will think the sun rises with and the moon sets with. 

I doubt you'll see this. But if you ever think about me like I just thought about you--then I have faith...that someday, sometime you will read this. Hopefully it makes you smile.