Where Can I Stab Myself In The Ears?

I've never felt more comfortable with anyone in my entire life. Whether it was the touch of your lips against mine or your body against mine. The first time we hung out, we were driving in my car to the beach, and I could tell you wanted to hold my hand. But you weren't sure how I felt. So you kept sticking your hand right by mine, by the gear. And our hands would grace and I wouldn't know how to react. I held your hand a few times that night...and nothing felt awkward or forced. Then, when we walked through the casino. You walked in front of me and put your hand out for me to grab and follow you. You put your arms around my waist while we played roulette, and nothing felt wrong or strange. Just comfortable. Our conversation that first night in my car proved that we were comfortable with each other to talk about the subjects we chose to. And I couldn't get over the fact that you let me gamble your money. I couldn't get over the fact that you paid for me. And then, when we were laying on the blanket on the sand and gazing up at the stars...I knew it was inevitable we were going to kiss. Your kissing style was definitely something different, but something I could get used to at the same time. The second time we hung out was nice. I don't remember exactly what we did, but I think it had something to do with you asking me to come over and bring a friend for your friend. I came over, but didn't bring a friend, as I explained to you, I didn't have any. But we hung out with your buddy just the same, and he teased me like he had known me for years. I could tell that was a good sign. To know that your friends approved of me? Priceless. The thing I liked most about you is that you told me upfront that you didn't want a relationship and that you just wanted to see what was out there and find out exactly what you wanted. But every second I spent with you, you made it seem as though I was the only one. And you needn't look no further. The things you said, the way you grabbed my phone and charmed my mom in a matter of 5 minutes. I told myself not to get in too deep too fast. Because I've been hurt much too many times. But no matter how hard I tried, the more we hung out the more I liked the person you were. The way that you basically couldn't keep your lips off mine, even in front of your buddy, let me know that you too, liked me more than you led on. As you said to me, "I could get used to kissing you." It's sad to say..but because I didn't really have any friends, and definitely no one to hang out with...I waited for your emails or calls. I waited to hear from you. So that I would have something to do, someone to hang out with. Rather than just wasting away in my empty apartment. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel. I wish I knew an ounce of what you were thinking/feeling. I wish I knew if you even think about me. I don't know that I'll ever find anyone like you again. But I hope I do. More so, I hope it's you.

You Stupid Little Girl

I'm so confused.
I'm so frustrated.
I wish I could stop thinking about you.
Why didn't you take the time out to tell me anything?
I can still feel your lips on mine.
And it pisses me off.
Because, I wont feel that again any time soon, if ever.
I feel like I scared you away.
You keep telling me I could never do that.
I don't know.
Maybe it's for the best.
Maybe it's for the worst.
Time will tell.

The Way You Move

I'm so frustrated, I could cry.
Why do things always look so up...
Before crashing down?
And you make it all seem so simple.
Is it really that way to you?
Do you really not give a crap?
Well I did.
Well I do.

DIY

Damn.

Good Things Happen To Bad People

This is wrong.
I know it.
They've warned me.
But I can't stop.
You're like a drug I can't get enough of.
I told you...
Fate has a crazy way with my life.
I'm still trying to figure out which direction IT wants me to go.
I'm happy.
For the first time in a long time.
And I can feel it.
In my cheeks and in my sides from laughing.
I can't wait to see where this goes.
I only hope it's not self destruction or the hurt of others.

Trouble Knocking At My Door

*sigh*

one day at a time

i have so much inside.

yet my fingers wont write.

but i think the tears speak loudly enough

Basically

I'm speechless.

it's true

chivalry is dead.

not a word

I don't know what to say.
I have undefinable feelings swirling around me.
Did you know I am amazing?
Sometimes I wonder.
Do you even notice?
What a catch you have?
I know the truth...I speak it everyday.
Sometimes I wonder.
I only deserve the best.
I am the best.
I know I am not what you say I am...
Yet everytime you speak it's so hard to get past.
I'm the best thing that will ever happen to you.
And you don't even realize.

all i want

love letters.
hugs.
love.
kisses.
cuddles.
scavenger hunts.
roses.
cards.
lust.
laughs.
smiles.

Ya Know What Sucks?

when you're always being let down.

::sigh::

let my breathing go back to normal.
let the tears dry.
it was only a scare.

Lately, I want to write, but I have writers block. Whether it be a song, poem, book, letter, email, etc. I hate when I have writers block. Because I know I have ideas, and thoughts. That are fighting to get out...but the walls are too thick.

Hello?
Can anybody hear me?
Hello?
I'm right here!
Hello?
I've always been here.
What have you been afraid of?
Huh?
That I wouldn't be there?
That I might turn you down?
Hello?
You should have at least taken the chance.
That way, you would have known the answer for sure.
Hello?
I'm going now.
Don't turn back, this was your choice.
Not mine.
Goodbye.

Save The Drama For Ya Mama.

Time Is Industry

boo.

i think i should stop writing.

no one even reads this anymore.

booyah.

beat that.

Do Your Ears Hang Low

sometimes i wonder.
can i do it all?
am i anything special?
what do i have that the girl beside me doesn't?
i haven't had [much] lessons.
but i have the determination.
i have the drive.
if i want something bad enough, it can, and will happen.
people ask me, "what do you want to do?"
i am always honest, and always reply with, "well, i want to be a singer, actress, or an author"
then, they always shoot back with, [and it never fails] "no, what do you really want to do?"
could ya have a little bit of faith in me?
that's all i ask.
if i come out on the bottom, or even if i come out on top, is it any of your business?
not to be rude of course.
but as mama always says "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
and i'm a firm believer in that.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

he watched her as she slept. her chest rising up and down. she appeared so peaceful. he stroked her hair gently, keeping the soothing motion that had originally put her to sleep, going. she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. it was nights like this, he longed for, forever. when she entered his life, he forever changed. no more parties, no more drugs. she was what kept him going daily. now if he could only fall asleep himself. he laid there for a bit, listening to the death-defying silence of their bedroom. the only thing to be heard was the wind rustling the leaves outside their window. he glanced out, longingly. he wished he could be more like the wind. and with that, he surrendered to the force, letting his eyes close slowly, and entering the same dream-like aisle his beloved girlfriend was in.