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Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Back to Doing Me

This has been a long time in coming, I just haven't had the time or the cajones to post it. Before, this was my platform. My way to use my voice however I wanted. I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing it because no one really read this thing. I talked to myself mostly, I posted about my life, and then when I transitioned this into my author website, I unpublished about 75% of the previous content. But this is still my blog, and I still have my voice, and sometimes I want to just let it out here. Sometimes I still want this to be my outlet. 

I don't even know if I'm making sense, but what I am getting at here is that I am going to try to post more like this. Candid. I assume you come here because you are interested in something I have to say, my stories, or my characters, am I right? Otherwise you may drop in to see the latest covers in the indie scene. I love helping other authors with cover reveals, release day blitzes, etc. I love getting to see the new covers before everyone else! Whatever reason you stop by here, I want to say thank you. Thank you for bringing me into your life, into your world, in any capacity. 

It's just a little intimidating when I know how many sets of eyes will be looking at this a day. My blog traffic, although slowed is still moving quite well, and people from all over the world are still dropping by. This week it's China, Japan, India, Argentina, and the Ukraine. Hi, guys! I've also had a lot of visitors from Russia lately. That is freaking cool. If you have a moment to comment how you found out about me, I'd love to hear it!

I moved back to Vegas in January, and I've been here just a little over two months. My best friend, Mimms moved with me and we live together. I am working back at the company I worked at before here in Vegas. Since I've been back though, I've had no energy, my illness has been kicking my butt, and I feel as though I have no time to do what I truly love which is write. My insurance kicked in recently, so I need to get into the doctor to see what we can do. I've barely been able to write 5000 words for The Darkness Remains - which will be the third book in my Darkness Falls series. However, it's not a race, and I need to remember that. I'm finding it hard to juggle it all, and I just don't want to lose focus. 

I haven't done much with music since I've been here, but Vegas is filled to the brim with creative types just like me. I would love to find something to get into here locally. A project, a band, something! It's hard when your music partner is in another state. 

There is less than two months until my birthday. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm turning thirty, and I'm actually kind of bummed about it. I'm still single, I haven't found my person yet, and I'm worried that I will be alone forever. I always thought I would be married by the time I turned twenty five, and now I've five years past that, and nowhere near it. I don't know why it is so hard for me to put myself out there again. I've been doing me for so long, I don't remember what it is like to have a crush, be in a relationship, or even put someone else's needs before my own. Part of the problem is that I haven't felt the excited "butterflies" or electricity with anyone in years. There have been a couple of one-off's, but obviously nothing has panned out. I'm worried that my standards are too high. I'm worried I won't make a good girlfriend. 

It would be easier if I had already reached some kind of milestone with writing, then I might feel comfortable enough to put my stories down for a moment to try to pursue something or someone. But it's hard to do that when I know that I'm not where I want to be yet and how much work it takes to get there. It's crazy to me that I did see so much success so quickly. Most self-published authors don't make $20 in a month. I was making $300+ on average. It was like a part time job, or overtime hours. Either way, I got used to the extra funds, and then when they weren't there anymore, I got bummed. I never even hit a number lower than 8000 with my personal books in the kindle store, and I was still doing that well. Now I'm lucky if I break $100 a month on my books. That is sad. Sometimes, I will go almost two weeks without one regular sale. I don't know what happened to my sales, I don't know why they flat-lined. I wish I could find the formula to becoming a full-time author. Someone tell me the secret, please!!

Anywho, I've rambled your ear off about my nonsense, but if you managed to stick it out to the end, comment below, you might just be randomly selected for a signed book. ;-)


Mnull said...

I hate that you've not felt well. Hope you get into the Dr. soon so you can get your writing juices flowing again!!

Ash K said...

I hope that you've continued your journey these past few months looking forward instead of back. We are here for ya!