I’ll never forget their greyish-blue eyes, the one dimple on the left side of both their cheeks and their smell.
It’s not fair. Life is a bitch.
I had it all, and in the blink of an eye, it was taken from me. Every longing stare, every kiss on those soft and ticklish feet. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone…except I knew what I had. I had everything.
Waking up without them the first time was hard, and it’s only getting harder. The hole inside of my chest feels bigger and deeper with each passing day. I can’t bear to touch their belongings. I can hardly even look at them.
I pick up the phone and even though I know I shouldn’t, I dial his number. The one I’ve had memorized since he asked me out junior year. It rings like normal. Once. Two times. Three times. And then like clockwork, his answering machine picks up. My heart begins racing, anticipating what is to come. His voice makes me melt in a puddle, paralyzing me until the last syllable.
“Hey, you must have missed me. Leave a message after the beep.”
I take a deep breath, attempting to calm the tornado in my stomach. “I know…I know…” I stammer ashamed. “I shouldn’t be calling you. I just…wanted to hear your voice.” I pause, staring at the floor. “I wish you would tell me what to do; how to move on from this.” Before I can form another thought, tears are pouring down my cheeks.
“I miss you…” My voice cracks and then the automated female asks if I’m satisfied with my message or if I’d like to rerecord. Choosing the latter, I hang up instead.
The darkness has become my only friend and solace so packing has been, well, stunted. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t been alone in almost a month. Everything feels surreal. Being back here, but they aren’t. It feels wrong.