Saturday, October 08, 2016

At the Center of it All

Insecurities.

They're funny things, aren't they?

They're crippling, they're debilitating, and they're downright maddening

I want to say I've learned how to cope with mine over the years, but that would be a lie

I know I'm an amazing catch. 

I know I can make someone incredibly happy

But at the end of the day, all we have are moments

And even if every moment you spend with someone is magical, there is the in-between. The time it takes from one moment to the other that you begin to over-analyze things. 

I'm contradicting everything I said I would do because of the feeling I get when I am with him. I haven't trusted anyone since I was wronged so badly over 11 years ago...yet, I blindly trusted him. I couldn't explain it. I still can't.  

I've prayed every night for this to be real. For him to be real. 

And now I'm left with the in-between; the over-analyzing. 

He's still everything I could ever wish for, and we barely know one another

The silence is what kills me. My insecurities reach up and grip me by the throat, reminding me that this man may be too good for me

I've been single for over seven years, waiting to feel an ounce of what he made me feel. I'm worried that was the last time he will make me feel that way. I hope I'm wrong. 

Exclusivity. 

An intriguing word. And everything I want and more with him. Why am I so terrified he doesn't feel the same way?

At the core of it all, I'm just a girl looking at a boy, asking him to give her a chance. I know we could both change each other's lives for the better. 

Even if I never see him again, at least he sparked the fire inside me again. At least I know it can be done

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