Since I have finished my (hopefully) last and final edits on My Forever (It's about a amazing as I can make it) before securing down an amazing cover, I thought I would post a snippet for ya all to check out:
I awoke in a panic this morning, jarring me out of another terrible nightmare. Only this time, something was different. This time, I felt relief when I remembered Parker was finally here, in Hawaii, after all of our time apart. Then, my mind switched to Lee.
The entire morning as I showered, got dressed, and ate breakfast, my heart and mind were in an all time war; switching to Lee, and then reverting back to Parker and so on and so forth until I couldn’t take it anymore. The guilt was killing me. I knew then, I was a terrible person. My heart screamed Parker. My head screamed Lee. And me? I literally just screamed until I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn’t remember the last time I had ever been this torn or confused about anything.
It had been almost two weeks since I had asked Parker to stay in Kauai. I thought that the time I had asked for would be the turning point for me. It would help me make my decision, but truthfully, the more time I spent with both guys, the more confused it left me. I felt guilty for all of it. For getting together with Lee when I was still clearly in love with Parker. For asking Parker to stay when I was clearly head over heels for Lee.
Every moment I spent with Lee, I felt anxious to be back with Parker and vice versa. I felt like I was not making any head way and my biggest fear was that my month would run out and I was going to lose both of them.
When I thought about life without Lee, I found myself crying uncontrollably. When I thought about losing Parker, it left me physically sick, puking for hours on end, in between sobs. This was not a predicament I would wish upon anyone. I knew my time was running short and I was going to have to make a decision sooner or later, and deep down somewhere locked away inside me I had the answer. I always had the answer; I was just terrified to admit it.
I picked up my phone and dialed the number I could remember in my sleep.
“Hello?” He answered, and instantly, I felt calmer.
“Parker,” I replied, breathlessly, “I need to see you.”