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Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Heart Wants What It Wants

I am so excited for the future.
I get anxious even now, with 10 months ahead of me.
I'm in no means excited to be away from him.
What I'm excited about is our future together.
Portland is so intriguing.
6 months of freedom, seems impossible.
I can't wait.
I can't wait to get his new car.
I can't wait to rent our house.
I can't wait to explore Portland.

6-7 years ago I was in a singing group with my best friend Thien-nga.
She moved to California, and we broke up.
Now, she is in New York...chasing her dreams.
I gave up my dreams for stupid exes.
When I get to Portland, I am going to start re-claiming my dreams.
I want to start a new band, and get Scene Greg rolling again, and write again.
I miss writing songs, poems, and novels.
I miss creativity.

I am so tired of the same old, same old.
Dull routines that are constantly on repeat.
Nothing is exciting anymore.
Nothing phases me.
I can't wait for the unknown.

I went through a phase of missing the past.
Missing old friendships.
Missing old memories.
I contacted old contacts.
And then I realized something.
There is a reason these people are not in my life now.
I believe everything in life happens for a reason.
So even though I missed them.
I'm better off.

I have some plans for myself.
Some goals.
Things I'd like to keep to myself.
And this time around, I plan on pushing myself to the limit.
And surpassing it.
I want to exceed expectations.
I want to blow everyone out of the water.
And I want him to be proud of me.
I have this theory that he will love me more if I succeed.
It's a ridiculous theory, I know...due to the fact he loves me more than life itself, now.

I refuse to be a statistic.
I want to be a role model.
I want to inspire.
And I won't give up until I do.

Boom Boom Pow

She doesn't deserve it.
She didn't deserve it the first time.
And right before her wedding nonetheless.
My heart goes out to my friend.
She deserves a smile.
She deserves happiness.
For once.

I love you Nicole.