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Wednesday, September 06, 2017

I Can Be Your John Cusak

One of my exes is having a baby with one of my friends. Not just any baby, twins. And I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them! They deserve it. But it really makes me think...

One of my other exes is married to someone with the same name as me, and they also have a happy family. He deserves it more than anyone I know. 

A third ex got karma handed to him on a platter, and then he bounced back better than ever and is married with a new baby. I always root for him even though he did me dirty. 

But, it's been 8 years now. I'm ready to meet someone. I'm ready to be happy too. I feel like I've done a lot of good to make up for the bad I've put others through in my past. 

I don't understand why everyone is always so attached to looks these days. Or maybe it's me. Maybe my standards are too high.  

When is it going to be my turn? When will I feel the butterflies again? It was October of last year that I finally felt that again for the first time in years. I held onto that as tight as I could, but it wasn't real. I had opened myself up to someone after years of riding solo, and he took advantage. 

I remember praying every morning and every night that he would be my husband. I would beg that he be mine forever. Everything happens for a reason, and there's a reason we aren't together. 

It's been so long since I've taken anyone home to meet my family. Originally my grandma would ask me if I was seeing anyone and if I said no she'd say, "good". Now when she asks if I'm seeing anyone and the answer is no, she says, "why?". It's like I can't please her. I know they worry I'm getting old. I worry I'm getting old. 

Okay, I'm done dumping on you. 

Hang tight.

Listening to:
The Mating Game - Bitter:Sweet
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
Counting Stars - One Republic
Where My Heart Goes - Colton Dixon