Hell & High Water

It's been a long time since I've been on here. Since I've even thought of my blog. So much has happened and I don't even know where to start. 

I feel like I've been spiraling since my mom died, my footing never steady. All I've ever wanted to do was make her proud and I feel like I'm failing at that. 

It's been tough on me. This year that we are at the very end of has been one of my toughest ones I've been through. Apart from letting myself down, I feel like I'm letting everyone else down too. 

The roughest part for me is not having someone to go through life with. Someone consistent and a rock for me so when the stressors get to be too much they can help alleviate some of that. I've been going at this life alone for so long, I'm convinced that's what I'm destined for. 

I've let my writing and my social media presence fall by the wayside. I've been working on releasing an album for an entire year, and am still nowhere close to it. 

I'm perpetually tired. Depression-tired. I don't have a lot of want or excitement built around things anymore. 

This is the first year I couldn't afford to go home for Christmas OR buy ANY presents for anyone. I literally feel like the Grinch who Stole Christmas. 

I've been looking for a roommate for way too long and frankly losing hope. 

My car has literally been breaking down for over a year. I've put in over $4,000 into it and still it's not fixed. 

This entire post feels like a woah is me, but honestly, I'm just having a hard time mentally, life-ing. There isn't one thing going well in my life EXCEPT my cats...honestly, they are what keeps me going daily. 

Everyone keeps saying it's going to get better and to keep my head up...but at what point do you look your failures in the face and admit defeat?

I'm going to keep pushing and struggling and clawing my way through, because that's me. It's in my character. 

Happy Holidays I guess. 

All I Wanted

All I wanted was to feel important to you. Like a key player in your life. That was asking too much. Don't be surprised when you look back and realize you lost something you undervalued and underappreciated. I'm lost and broken, but I'll be fine. At the end of the day, it's just one foot in front of the other. 

Unwanted

You make me feel unimportant. 

Less than the bottom of the barrel.

Barely seen.

Just a passing thought. 

I remember when your excitement of seeing me was overwhelming. 

I remember how hungry you used to look at me.

How seen you used to make me feel.

But as time has passed, you push me away. 

You pick fights. 

You make me feel unloved and unheard. 

For so long all I've wanted is my partner in crime. 

But I can't keep fighting for someone who doesn't see my worth. 

I can't keep fighting for someone who doesn't fight for me.

It's so hard because I put my all into everything I do. 

Loving you was no exception. 

My world began to revolve around you, and I didn't really factor into yours. 

Your affection is different. 

The way you look at me has changed. 

And begging for you to give me attention leaves me feeling pathetic and unwanted. 

I'm not this girl and I refuse to be. 

I don't want to feel like this anymore. 

I just want somene who wants me just as much. 

Someone who doesn't think I'm asking too much when I ask for time, attention, or healthy communication. 

Your touch feels different. 

Your lips feel different. 

And I'm left feeling like I failed at life yet again. 

One more to add to the notches in my bedpost. 

Maybe I'm destined to be alone. 

Maybe this is something I need to accept. 

Falling Out Part Deux

I'm training myself how to fall out of love with you. 

You see, because when I fall, I fall hard. 

I love with my entire being, my entire heart. 

It's unexpected, but everything happens for a reason. 

It's not okay now, but it will be. 

I lost sight of myself a little loving you, but my focus is returning. 

The love I had for you is now being filtered back through me, because self-love is most important now.

Heartbroken is never a state I want to remain in long. 

I just have to stay vigilant that what's meant to be will be and the rest of the chips will fall where they may. 

Haunted

I'm jaded, pieced together jaggedly, haphazardly. 

My past haunts me like a blanket, wrapping me in the coldest of embraces. 

Some days I feel whole, as if I'm not held together by a thin wire. 

Others my mask falls and I'm left feeling like the fraud that I am. 

A broken doll hiding behind the facade. 

He holds the power to destroy me, and it's both beautiful and terrifying. 

What is to say he will want to protect my heart with the same tenacity I do?

Her.

It's hard because some days I only want to speak to you. 
I only want to hear you scold me or tell me you're disappointed in me. 

It's something I need, almost like the air I breathe. 

You were my best friend, confidant, and never afraid to speak your mind on my life and choices. 

I feel like I've been spiraling since I lost you.

Some days, it feels like I can find my way again, others I feel hopeless. 

All I can hope is that you're with me no matter what. 

Through good and bad, through thick and thin. 

Don't agree with me, but love me anyway.

These used to be my little secrets, and now they're ours. 

I won't be a disappoinment forever, I promise. 

At some point this lost stray will find her way again. 

Don't lose faith in me. 

If this isn't the end, then I'm not quitting. 

Release Blitz: A Light in the Darkness

 Title: A Light in the Darkness

Author: Kira Adams

Genre: Post-apocalyptic

Series: The Darkness Falls series, book five

Goodreads Link

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Blurb:

They started out as strangers, navigating the broken world around them. At every corner they faced challenges and tribulations that would test their resolve and will to live. Since the outbreak, Phoenix Blue’s life changed forever. It’s hard to remember a time when she wasn’t simply a bargaining piece to a new world order. Ace Cullen has lost faith. He’s been through so much with the woman he loves, he’s unsure they can bounce back this time. Ike Glass has found a renowned sense of purpose. He picked himself back up from rock bottom, and knows what’s important. Francesca Jackson is learning that karmic consequences do exist, and adjusting as best as she can.

 

It's hard to have hope in a world so grim, but these friends will prove that hard work and perseverance pays off. They can’t imagine what life will look like on the other side, but they continue trying to find a light in the darkness.

 

 

A Light in the Darkness is the fifth and final book in the Darkness Falls series.

Reading Order:

Into the Darkness

Emerging from Darkness

The Darkness Remains

Within the Darkness

A Light in the Darkness

Cover Reveal: A Light in the Darkness

 Title: A Light in the Darkness

Author: Kira Adams

Genre: Post-apocalyptic

Series: The Darkness Falls series, book five

Cover Designer: Amygdala Design

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They started out as strangers, navigating the broken world around them. At every corner they faced challenges and tribulations that would test their resolve and will to live. Since the outbreak, Phoenix Blue’s life changed forever. It’s hard to remember a time when she wasn’t simply a bargaining piece to a new world order. Ace Cullen has lost faith. He’s been through so much with the woman he loves, he’s unsure they can bounce back this time. Ike Glass has found a renowned sense of purpose. He picked himself back up from rock bottom, and knows what’s important. Francesca Jackson is learning that karmic consequences do exist, and adjusting as best as she can.

It's hard to have hope in a world so grim, but these friends will prove that hard work and perseverance pays off. They can’t imagine what life will look like on the other side, but they continue trying to find a light in the darkness.

  

A Light in the Darkness is the fifth and final book in the Darkness Falls series.

Reading Order:
Into the Darkness
Emerging from Darkness
The Darkness Remains
Within the Darkness
A Light in the Darkness

Krista Pakseresht has always been a dreamer, from the first time she opened her eyes. Creating worlds through words is one thing she is truly talented at. She specializes in Young adult/New adult romance, horror, action, fantasy, and non-fiction under the pen name Kira Adams.

 

She is the author of the Infinite Love series, the Foundation series, the Darkness Falls series, A Date with the Devil, The Life I Never Asked For, Ultimate Game Changer, and Never Trust a Bad Boy.

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